People want the “real, raw, authentic” you
“Remember…never feel like you need to censor yourself with me! It’s the real, raw, authentic Amanda that I want to keep getting to know….”
- Curtis to me
I received this text message from a man named Curtis back in October 2018, shortly after going on our first date. As I read his words, my breath caught: “Who is this man? Is he being serious? Does he want to know all of me? But what if he rejects the messy parts? The imperfect parts. I don’t even know if I’m okay with these parts.”
But I remembered to breathe. Because as nervous and apprehensive as I was about someone knowing, seeing, and accepting all of me, I deeply yearned for it. I had been yearning for it my entire life. So I kept breathing and kept moving forward. (If you’ve read my book 47 Days: A Journey Back Home you know that at the end of that book, I accidentally swiped right on Curtis’ profile on Tinder after scratching my itchy butt.)
Five years later, we married. Hooray!! Through intense ups and downs - and a ton of communication and growth - we made the choice to commit to each other on a deeper level. Not because we needed to, or should have, or were looking for the other to save us…but because we wanted to. Because being together as a team strengthens us as individuals. We allow each other the space and support to thrive as individuals. Plus, it helps that Curtis is hot, haha. Not only is he tall, kind, and handsome, but he’s walked his talk over the last five years. As our relationship evolves and grows, he has continually - without fail - encouraged me to be my “real, raw, authentic” self, as he promised he would in that early text message. And he doesn’t reject any of me, even when - and especially when - I reject me.
I’m sharing this personal story with you for a few reasons:
I’m simply proud of myself for navigating unhealthy relationships over the decades, learning from them, and now truly understanding what a healthy relationship is. I think it’s okay for us to share what makes us proud.
While romantic relationships can be one source of beautiful acceptance of us, so can friendships. Family relationships. Coworker relationships. The list goes on and on. I have a number of close people who - like Curtis - accept me for who I am. I consider myself lucky and I hope the same for you.
And because I’m curious: Who are the people in your life who you can be yourself around? Those people who encourage you to be yourself (rather than simply tolerating it)? If you have nobody like that, are you willing to open up to finding them? (and if not right now, that’s okay too)
If we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, I hope your five people encourage you, inspire you, and accept you for everything you are. It doesn’t mean there won’t be conflict or misunderstandings or pain in these five relationships at times. It just means that you can find your way back to each other because the deep acceptance of each other allows for all of it.
Amanda
P.S. When I launched this website I knew I wanted to share more of me: the ups and downs, and the messiness of my real life. Curtis and I spoke about my sharing about our relationship, and I asked him: “Are you okay if I talk about us? Our relationship? The ups and downs?” He replied: “Absolutely. It’s part of you. But maybe could you not share the detailed parts of our sex life?” I laughed and agreed, to his relief. (And likely to our family’s relief too.)
P.P.S. If you feel compelled to share my words in any shape or form, please credit me or contact me for permission.
